A Certain Age
I am at a certain age. I am certain death is coming to many that I know and love and I am certain that the windows of opportunity must be recognized and grasped when seen so that potential will be realized. This last Sunday one of my very best friends lost her husband. He was her second. It was a promising relationship given her first had ended badly and then he died from a brain tumor. This new man was bigger than life in every way and he was loud and funny and obnoxious and as it turned out, a big teddy bear with an even bigger heart. He was unyielding, but understanding. Kind with a twist of sarcasm and generally opinionated and good hearted. He was possessive with my friend and won everyone in her life over with his sincere desire to do great by her. He wanted the best for her, it was easy to see and to love. The loss was palpable. I am certain we are all going to be on either side of the mortality coin at any given moment. First years of trial and error with living together and falling deeply in love. The years past in the blink and the sweet spot had been obtained. They were on the same page; they were in love with understanding of the imperfection. They had a home, family, friends and a community in their little park. They had built respect as a couple and had a lot of laughs with those who knew them well. They enjoyed family relationships and took care of older relatives in turn. It was the good life. And then death came in the untimely way that it shows up. Gone. Done. Just shock. Just final. The breath gone from one, sucked from the other in an instant. The time seemed so short. So many things that were left unsaid, undone, unexperienced. My friend again alone and now standing on her front porch facing the questions and condolences. She stands alone with little to say or share. She is beautiful and sad standing there facing the present and the future with courage but wanting more of the past. It is a testament to the plan of God, that yearning for more time, for it to be infinite. Haven’t met many who are content with the time they’ve had, they almost always want more, telling us life is meant to be eternal. My heart yearns to give her that comfort and the one place of peace she needs I cannot share in or provide. A testament to my short sightedness and laziness. I am certain God is unappreciative of the lack of vision I have displayed. I am certain that I am forgiven, but it pales when I see how I have limited the power I could have to comfort my friend. So, in my uncertainty I do what I can with what I have and hope it is enough. At a certain age we really should get off the porch and most certainly do the things we know are true and right, all of the time. RIP to the big guy, keep the chair warm and the light on and we will see you on the front porch of your mansion in the sky.