Games we play
The front porch is a great place to relax, talk and to play games. Euchre, Monopoly, Risk and go fish, some of the favorites in my family that were played on the porch. Last week I found the perfect porch. Hard to see myself living elsewhere. I am in a constant state of thinking of the things I could accomplish on that front porch. But in the far distant past I can think of games that are played between friends and family that ruin the porch and its healing environment.
The gossip
People who gossip come in all shapes and sizes. Their methods and different from person to person and their agendas are held closely or privately. sometimes gossip has an element of information that is not shared and or known. Gossip is generally insidious and harmful to someone. It is a favorite past time of women and some men. I went down to a rabbit hole in looking up gossip and its effect on relationships and mental health. ” Gossip can have significant negative effects, both on individuals and social dynamics. It can erode trust, damage reputations, and lead to conflict and division. Additionally, gossip can negatively impact mental health, causing anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem in those who are the subject of rumors. While gossip can sometimes serve a purpose in maintaining social order and sharing information, its potential for harm is substantial, particularly when it involves negative or malicious rumors”. When one person listens to a problem or issue out of the presence of others it automatically sets up a system of misunderstanding and lack of clarity. I have 4 daughters, and I have seen, as adults living in separate places how this plays out in the proverbial front porch of Facebook. My daughters, when growing up were so close. Surprising as they are all so different. When living in the same rooms and towns they gave each other a tremendous amount of slack. Growing up, adulting, raising children and having private or embarrassing life issues are now viewed differently with little regard for slack. This has caused a problem with division and lack of empathy and judgement in regard to a sibling. The porch has become vacant or lacking the beautiful richness that having everyone involved brings. Gossip was rampant, which became truth that was hard to undo. for me this was particularly sad as I sit alone, defend the one (whoever the one is today) and hope that there will be a return to love. When my children were little, we had a habit of sitting on our swing in the front yard and singing in the cool of the evening, we were known for that in our hood. Today I think they would each disregard the invitation to come and sing and swing. Don’t gossip, It erodes trust and that makes mentally unhealthy individuals. So, how do you identify a gossiper and what do you do to stop the gossip? Stick to these questions, Do I need to know this? Is there anything I control about this? Would it be fair to another to listen to this? Does this protect privacy?
TIPS and tricks
Ignore the Gossip:
- Do not react: Reacting can sometimes inadvertently encourage the gossip to continue. Simply ignore the conversation and allow it to die down naturally.
- Be boring: By not engaging, you make the gossip less entertaining.
Set Boundaries:
- “I don’t feel comfortable discussing that person when they’re not here”: This is a clear boundary that discourages future gossip.
Offer Alternatives:
- “Do you want to talk to them about it?”: This can help the gossiper realize they’re just spreading rumors and not trying to find a real solution.
Confront (If Necessary):
- Speak directly: If the gossip persists or is harmful, you may need to speak to the person directly about the issue.
- Be calm and assertive: Express your feelings about the gossip without being accusatory.
Be a Positive Influence:
- Encourage positive stories: Instead of focusing on negative gossip, try to share positive stories about people and situations.
- Lead by example: If you don’t gossip, others are less likely to do so around you.
Consider Your Own Boundaries:
- Keep your private life private: Sharing too much information can make you a target for gossip.
- Prioritize communication: Open and honest communication can help prevent misunderstandings and gossip.
End the damage to the front porch by preventing rot and misuse. By the same token, keep your mind and soul bright and forthright by avoiding gossip, supporting solution and fostering friendship.