What is in a vow?

What is in a vow?

I was reading a story where the bride and groom of a fancy wedding were asking their guests to pay an attendance fee.  $200 per person.  If you bring a child, they can only come if they are between 12 and 18 and it is an extra $50 for their “entertainment fee”.  I was taken aback.  When did the celebration of marriage become a paid event?  How can we find wellness when our relationships are strained by the unmanaged expectations of others?

When I was little my mother’s sisters seemed to always be getting married.  My favorite wedding was my aunt Jessies 2^nd marriage.  She had a big white dress that made her look like a marshmallow, and it was in the church across from the house where my family would eventually live in.  Beautiful old church.  It was large and ornate and comforting somehow.  My love of churches was reinforced that day. But the best part of that wedding was the big lawn party afterwards.  All of the family from near and far, it was large and loud and so much fun. It wasn’t about the presents or the setting, it was about the people who loved each other.  I wonder when people decided the wedding was more important than the marriage.  I wonder what the barometer is on family wellness considering just this one issue.   

The average wedding now averages $33,000 dollars.  Given the average US income is $39,982 dollars it seems a bit ridiculous that people would pay this amount of money for an event that is one day. Given the divorce rate it seems downright stupid.  Spending $33000 for a day that ends and leaves you in debt to start a life together seems unwise. $ 33000 would be a good down payment on a house or car.  Is this extravagant misconception worth the price that we are paying socially and emotionally? It seems to be effecting our family wellness.

Wellness in a family is dependent on the managed expectations of its members.  The relationships must be considered the paramount deciding factor.  Recently I met a young man who was unable to attend his sister’s wedding because it was held in a far away country at great expense, expense he could not meet.  I had to wonder what was so important that a brother could not be present to witness a sister’s wedding.  Worse, why was that acceptable to her?  I suggested to him that he throw a picnic shindig when they returned to show his honor and happiness for them.  A compromise for sure, but I had to wonder what kind of scar that left.

Families are all sorts of unwell now and most stemming from a lack of real time together.  Being apart and as time goes on it is easy to assign blame, to imagine faults or criticisms.  The remedy is to be together.  Skype and face time are two ways this has helped in years passed.  But the days of going to the cabin in the woods and playing cards all day and night may be gone for most.  Sad, I long for the long days of being with cousins, eating watermelon and feeling like I belonged to something and someone. Reach out today and create wellness in your family.  Say I love you.  Say I forgive you. Say I want to include you. Wellness is easy in the long run and yields health and happiness when the priorities are clear and the support is obvious.  In today’s world, I think we may have forgotten who we made vows to and why that was important. Parents commit to children, children to parents and then to others that they choose and the cycle begins again.   I say lets make a vow to our family the one we chose and made and the one we came from: a vow of wellness.  A commitment to happiness.